


Overstepping Boundaries

by Gwenhwyfar1984



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:36:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2437136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwenhwyfar1984/pseuds/Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janeway and Paris are stranded on a planet after they become infected with a virus. Alternate version of Resolutions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infection

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager is the property of Paramount Pictures and other large companies. In other words, I Do Not Own. I also do not own the little bit of Mosaic canon that I used. That is the property of Jeri Taylor and other companies.
> 
> A/N: I know the episode Resolutions is scared to Janeway/Chakotay shippers. I am a huge shipper of them also. However, I am also a Janeway/Paris shipper, and wanted to try writing my first fanfic of that pairing. So, I wondered what it would have been like if someone with Paris’s personality was stranded with Janeway.

Kathryn Janeway came from a long, long line of distinguished Starfleet officers. It is because of this that she grew up learning the regulations, guidelines, and ideals of the institution. It was a great head start to the Academy learning. When she actually got to be in charge, she learned that sometimes she had to be flexible. This was especially true since Voyager became stranded in the Delta Quadrant.   
One of the guidelines that she did not mind making flexible was the one about Commanding Officers and away missions. Starfleet felt that COs were safer and had better things to do than go on a routine away mission. For the most part, she felt that this was true. There was no shortage of things that needed her attention on the ship.  
But she was going stir crazy! She needed a few hours on a planet.   
This was why she was currently assisting Neelix’s team gather foodstuffs on an uninhabited planet.   
It was a beautiful planet. Undisturbed by habitation, there were lush green forests and valleys. The water was incredibly blue. If she had allowed the emotion in, it would have made her homesick.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Lieutenant Tom Paris’s voice cut through her thoughts. He was partnered with her to search the nearby forest for food.  
“Indeed it is. Well, shall we?” She asked, walking down a small hill to the forest.  
“Not really. Do you know what we are after?” He asked her.  
“Some kind of plant.” She had listened to that part of Neelix’s instructions.  
“It’s a moss. A ‘lovely green moss that really spices up stews and soups’.”  
Janeway suppressed a shudder. While Neelix was a definite asset to their crew, some of his ideas of what was edible greatly differed from the rest of the crew.  
“How would he know if he’s never been here?”  
“Word of mouth.”  
“Well, let’s not put it down before we try it.” She said, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Tom’s look showed that he did not believe her.  
The trees were not dense, so the light was only a little dimmed. Thorny vines hung from some of the branches, and she saw some insects land and drink sap from them. She motioned for Tom to avoid the vines and they carefully walked into the forest.  
“The moss grows on a certain type of tree…” Tom started. He pointed to a lovely tree with deep green needles. Sure enough there was moss growing on the trunk. It was several feet in, and some vines were close enough to make her a little nervous.

She took the sample container from Tom, and carefully stepped through the ground cover to the tree. She scraped some of the moss into the container and sealed the lid. Turning, her foot got caught in a small shrub, and she fell right into some of the vines. Their sharp thorns pierced right through her uniform into her skin, and she screamed. The pain was unbelievable, and she thrashed around, trying to free herself, and escape the pain. It backfired, the vines tightened, and she not only had punctures, but long slashes in her skin.  
“Captain. Captain! Stop moving!” Tom ordered, trying to help her. She held as still as possible, and he cut through the vines, freeing her. She stood silently shaking and he put an arm around her, helping her to walk out of the forest. She sat down on the grass and tried to pull herself together. It definitely wasn’t the worst pain she had felt, but it was bad.

“Some of these look pretty deep.” Tom told her, examining her wounds.  
“I’m ok.” She claimed, her voice shaking and betraying her.  
“Captain—“ He was interrupted by Ensigns Ayala and Hogan running down the hill, phasers drawn.  
“We heard screaming.” Ayala said.  
“Relax. The only enemy is vicious vines in that forest.” Tom said.  
“Sentient vines?”   
“No, just thorny.” Tom explained, not mentioning her tripping. She was thankful.  
“Captain, are you alright?” Hogan asked carefully. He was looking at her lacerations with concern.  
She glanced down at her arm and was surprised by what she saw. The laceration was not just a deep puncture or scratch. It was inflamed, and she saw the signs of infection forming deep inside. Looking up, she locked eyes with Tom, who also looked worried. He had several scratches on his arms and chest.  
She activated her combadge. “Janeway to Voyager.”  
“Voyager here.” Ensign Harry Kim’s voice answered.  
“Can you beam Lieutenant Paris and me to Sickbay?”  
“Right away, Captain.”  
The white transporter beam enveloped her, and she then found herself in Sickbay.

“Please state the nat—Oh my.” The Doctor hurried up to her and Tom, while Kes led them over to bio beds. “This is why Captains do not go on away missions.”  
“Enough, Doctor.” She ordered, tiredly. All of her energy seemed to be draining away. Kes was helping her out of her jacket and turtleneck. The material stuck to her skin because of the blood, and she hissed as it was pulled away.  
“What were you attacked by?” The Doctor asked.  
“Vines with thorns.” Tom replied from the next bio bed, his back turned to give her some sense of privacy.  
“I see…” The Doctor murmured and motioned to Kes. “Clean them up.”  
The Ocampan woman wiped away some of the blood and began to run a regenerator over the cuts.  
“Some of these are really deep.” Kes observed in her quiet voice.  
“Really big thorns.” Tom put in.  
Janeway smiled in spite of the pain. “One reason why I have never liked gardening. Too many things that can hurt you.”  
“Yet, you wanted on the away team to the planet with the evil vines.”  
“Apparently you did too. You volunteered. There was no need for a pilot on the team.”  
“Touché, Captain.” Tom admitted.

Kes finished with her arms and front, and asked her to lie down and roll over onto her stomach, so that she could repair her back and legs. She hadn’t realized just how badly she was injured.   
She pillowed her head on her arms and glanced over at Tom. He had removed his jacket and turtleneck, and was watching The Doctor with tired disinterest. She felt guilty for getting him injured also.  
“Tom?” She called. He turned and looked at her. “Thank you.”  
“No problem, Captain.” He replied with a smile.

Her energy was completely gone now, and she felt like falling asleep. She let her eyes drift closed while Kes worked. A slightly dull ache began to form in her chest. Apparently the adrenaline was gone, and she was feeling her battle.  
“Doctor.” Kes called.  
“What is it?” she sensed The Doctor approach her, but she couldn’t be bothered to open her eyes.  
“Her temperature has steadily risen since she arrived.” There was a pause. “Tom’s too. Could it be an allergic reaction to the vines?”  
“I don’t think so.” The Doctor replied. She felt a hand shake her. “Captain? Wake up!” She opened her eyes. “How do you feel?”  
“Tired.” She answered, her words slurring. “Hurts.” She let her eyes drift closed.  
“What hurts?” She was shaken again. It irritated her. Didn’t they see that she wanted to be left alone?  
“Chest. Arms. Legs.” There. She had answered.  
An alarm began to sound from the readout. Another alarm sounded nearby.  
“It’s not an allergic reaction at all. It’s an unknown pathogen. Come, we need to get them isolated until we know if it is contagious.  
She should care. It was her ship, she was the captain. But the effort to even open her eyes was too much. And she hurt. The dull ache had grown, encompassing her entire body. Sleep. She could escape there.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, when she awoke. She was still in the Sickbay, and The Doctor was looking down at her with concern.  
“Captain, I do not have a lot of time. It seems that you and Lieutenant Paris have contracted a disease while down on the planet.”  
A disease? The last thing she remembered was being treated for some cuts and scratches. She tried to sit up and speak, but didn’t have the energy. The effort disturbed something in her chest, and she began to cough.  
The Doctor handed her a cloth. “It is extremely virulent. I am unable to work on a cure quick enough. I spoke with Commander Chakotay and we have reached the decision to place the two of you in stasis while Kes and I work.”  
She nodded and continued to cough. Pulling the cloth away, she saw that it was stained red with blood. She started to panic, but the deep pull of sleep claimed her again.

This time when she awoke it was in the stasis unit. Instead of the darkness of Deck 14, it was bright blue skies that she saw. She unlocked the unit and sat up. Next to her, Tom was climbing out of his like it saw on fire. He stared at it with loathing, breathing hard. When he noticed her, redness colored his cheeks and he calmed down.  
“Doctor to Janeway.”   
Janeway responded. “Janeway here.”  
“I have awoken you because…I regret to inform you that despite Kes’s and my best efforts, I have been unable to find a cure for the disease that infects you and Lieutenant Paris. We have worked nonstop for seventeen days, but failed.”  
There was a long pause, and she struggled to wrap her head around this fact. She was going to die of some unknown infection. It was a risk that she took by being in Starfleet, but it still seemed…wrong.  
“I see. How long do we have?”  
“A lot longer than before. We discovered that something about that planet inhibits the disease’s effects. I was able repair most of the damage. As long as you remain there, you will not get sicker.”  
Behind here she heard a clatter. She turned and saw large stacks of supplies. A cold feeling formed in her body, and a part of her mind was screaming in protest.  
“Captain, I feel that the only other option is to contact the Vidiians. They are medically advanced enough that they may be able to succeed where I failed.”  
She terminated the comm link and climbed out of the stasis chamber. She placed her hands on her hips and stared out at the landscape. The Vidiians were much more advanced than they were. There was a good chance that they could help. But would they? Probably not. Her crew would be going to a slaughter.  
“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but I don’t want everyone to die because there is a slim chance I could be cured.” Tom said softly from behind her. She turned to him.  
“You know what that means though?”  
He nodded and looked away. She steeled herself and activated the comm link again.  
“Janeway to Chakotay.”  
“Chakotay here.”  
“Commander, I assume that you have been briefed?”  
“Yes, Captain.” He answered, his voice sounding sad.  
“Tom and I have a few more things that we would like beamed down to us. After that, you are to assume command and set a course to the Alpha Quadrant. My last order as Captain is this: under no circumstances are you to contact the Vidiians about a cure.”  
The pause was so long that she wondered if the link had been broken. Finally, he spoke the words that she was waiting for.  
“Yes, Captain. Chakotay out.”  
She placed her hands over her face and tried not to cry.


	2. Month One

Tom looked at the small bag that had materialized in front of him with little interest. He had given Harry the code to his quarters, and asked for a few items. There wasn’t much. He had come aboard with few things, and over the nearly two years had gathered little more. He had learned that since his life changes so quickly, there was little point in material possessions. The really important thing that he had was something he had made himself; a small, 20th century style, portable radio that was programed to play his favorite music. He had made little use of it, the computer played anything he wanted, but he was proud of its design.   
Janeway was less excited by her personal effects, and more excited by the scientific and medical equipment. She was going to continue the search for a cure. That was the reason why a type 9 shuttle had been left for their use. Neither of them said it, but with a maximum warp capability of Warp 4, it would take 700 years to get home. It gave the illusion of hope though.  
They concentrated on setting up the shelter first. Janeway wanted the beige on the inside, and he agreed. The grey would remind him too much of Voyager, and that part of his life was over.  
“Did you camp at all as a child?” She suddenly asked him.  
He chuckled. “No, Ma’am. The little my father was around was spent strictly on 24th century activities.”  
“You were lucky that way.” They worked a little more in silence. “My father, despite being an Admiral in Starfleet, was a bit of a traditionalist. I grew up in a rural agricultural area.”  
He was amazed at the fact that she was actually talking about herself. Normally, she was so closed off that the crew jumped on any information they could get on their mysterious Captain. Here, she was freely giving it.  
“Did you like it?” He asked carefully.  
“No. Instead of modern sports I had to take tennis and ballet. And, for fun my family went camping. I despised it. No real beds, no showers, no replicators.”  
“Well, then you are lucky that we have all of that here.”  
She frowned. “But no bathtub.” He raised his eyebrows at her and she looked defensive. “Baths relax me.”  
He pushed that mental imagery right out of his brain before it could even form. “I get it. Holodecks relax me, and we don’t have one.”  
She shook her head with a grin. “How antiquated this is.” 

After the shelter was set up, and they decided where to place the furniture, and who had what bedroom, Janeway went right to work setting up her lab. Every few minutes he heard an exclamation of glee over some type of equipment. Her enthusiasm and optimism were not contagious. He knew that the chances of her discovering a cure were practically nonexistent.  
He busied himself setting up his bedroom. It consisted of a bed, shelves, and a table. There was enough room that he could stretch out on the floor if he wanted, but it was small. Still bigger than his accommodations in New Zealand had been, so there were no complaints. The clothing he stacked on the shelves were all civilian, which felt strange. His radio took the prize spot next to the bed, as did the PADDs that he had had Harry gather. They were all novels. While he did prefer the holodeck, he liked non-interactive reading too. Mostly 20th century books.  
He left his room entered the main living area. Janeway was seated at the large central table which was covered in equipment. Directly in front of her was a stack of specimen traps.  
“I’m going to go for a walk.” It was getting dark, setting up had taken up most of the day, but there was still a little light. He wanted to see the sunset, something that he missed.  
“Oh! Do you mind if I accompany you? I want to set up some traps to gather insects.”  
“I don’t mind at all, Captain.” He told her honestly.  
“Great.” She grabbed a tricorder, PADD, and phaser, and then gathered up her traps. “And Tom? It’s just the two of us here now. I’m not in command anymore. Call me Kathryn, please?”  
Ok, that was weird. But it was what she wanted so… “Ok, Kathryn. Shall we?”  
It was a pleasant walk. The air was becoming cool, but not overly so. The sky was darkening to shades of pink and orange. Every so often they would stop so that she could set up a trap and document the location.  
“The Doctor’s report says that they found insect bites on us. I remember seeing some insects feeding on those horrid vines. I’m hoping to catch a few.”  
“Where do you think the bacteria came from? The vines or the insects?”  
“I think that they are connected. Don’t worry though. It seems that they chose an area where this forest does not have any of the vines. They are a few miles away, though, in case I want a sample.”  
He nodded. He didn’t remember getting bit by anything, but he had been concentrated on getting her free, and the pain from the thorns had been strong.  
“Tom, I wanted to apologize.”  
“For what?”  
“It’s my fault that you are here. If I hadn’t tripped, you would not have needed to help me and would not be in this situation.”  
“None of this is your fault. It was an accident. I don’t blame you.” He told her honestly. The idea had not even crossed his mind. He blamed the Delta Quadrant more than anything. Everything here wanted to kill them.  
“I am really good at screwing up people’s lives.” She muttered, but it was low enough to ignore. Still, it worried him. She took a lot on, and seemed to carry a lot of guilt on her shoulders. He wondered how much more she could take before breaking.

The next day he awoke and clothed himself in civilian clothing. He would wash his uniform and then put it away. He thought about recycling it, but couldn’t bring himself to do it yet.  
Janeway was already hard at work at the table. She too wore civilian clothing—a dress—and her hair was loose around her shoulders. He had never seen it completely like that before, and found that he really liked it. She was quite pretty…beautiful even. He shook his head. That was not something he was allowed to think.  
“Good morning. Have you had breakfast?” He asked, walking up to the replicator. He suspected no. She was notorious for skipping meals. Neelix, Chakotay, and Tuvok had made it their duty to make sure that she ate at least once a day. Sometimes, even he and Harry had done it.  
“Yeah.” She answered, not looking up from her PADD, but holding up a mug. He could smell the coffee.  
He replicated two breakfast rolls filled with eggs and meat. He placed one plate next to her and sat down at the table. She looked up and smiled absently.  
He quietly picked through The Doctor’s report while she worked. The silence was cut by Chakotay’s voice.  
“Chakotay to Janeway.”  
“Janeway here.”  
“We are just about to leave communications range. You wanted to speak to the crew?”  
She closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face. Tom got up, removed his combadge, and took his roll and novel outside. He didn’t want to hear her goodbye. He knew how it was making her feel. He preferred quick, easy goodbyes. He had said it to Harry, after thanking him for retrieving his things. Harry was the only one he would truly miss.  
He walked for a while until he came to a small clearing. In the middle was a waist high, relatively flat cluster of stones. He climbed up one and sat staring at the sky. He would miss being up there piloting the finest ship in the galaxy. It was an opportunity he never thought he would get. It was sad that he would miss the ship more than the people.  
A small sound made him look into the field. A few feet away sat a small creature. It had the shape and size of a tiny tog, but had the pointy ears and whiskers of a cat. Its fur was a dark brown with black patches. It sat in the grass watching him curiously.  
“Hey there. Am I sitting on your home?” He asked. The creature turned its head to the side and made a barking-like sound. “Sorry if I am. I’m new here. I’m Tom.”  
It took a step towards him and stopped. Tom took a chunk of the meat from his roll and tossed it to the creature. It sniffed it, ate, and looked to him for more. “Sorry, that’s all I have.”  
It wagged its tail and lay down in the grass. Tom stretched out on the rock and returned to his novel.

Janeway was surprised when he returned close to dark. He shrugged when she asked what he was doing all day. There wasn’t much to say after all. She had worked all day, and was still hard at it, so she didn’t inquire much. She was still working when he went to bed.  
That was how it was for several weeks. She rarely left the table, and when she did it was to check her traps. Several times she fell asleep at the table. He took to keeping a blanket in the living area that he would cover her with.  
He contributed by trying to cook. Neelix had left a small supply of food, a pot, and a pan. He also left a list of edible items from the planet. Tom created a fire pit and attempted to make something edible. When she asked him why not just use the replicator, he cited saving energy. She approved, and even managed to not complain about his creations.  
While she was working, he went exploring. He knew that Tuvok’s team had thoroughly checked the area for danger before selecting it for their habitation. Therefore, there were maps provided for them. But he rarely looked at them. Without the holodeck, he was starved for entertainment. So every day he took a novel and lunch and checked out his new home.  
That was what he was already thinking of it as. His new home. She wasn’t there yet.  
Lately, she would give him dark looks when he returned. She didn’t say anything, but he noticed them. It confused him, as he didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He stayed out of her way and didn’t interrupt her work.  
One day he was walking out of the shelter when she threw down her PADD. “You could help you know.”  
“Pardon?” He asked, confused.  
“You have a background in medicine. You could help me with this.” She said irritably.  
“I don’t have a background. I took two semesters of biochemestry. That is why The Doctor switched to Kes as his assistant. What you are doing is way beyond my knowledge.” He explained calmly. He didn’t think that she was actually angry with him. It seemed more that she was getting nowhere and it was frustrating.  
“What do you do all day anyway?” She asked darkly.  
He crossed his arms and gave her his smug smile. “Wanna find out?”  
Now the irritably was replaced by curiosity. “Yes…”  
“Then pack a bag with a towel and lunch. Oh, and put on a swimsuit.”  
“A swimsuit?” She asked, completely perplexed. He enjoyed it more than he should.   
“Underneath.” He clarified.

She tried to get him to tell her where they were going. He refused, much to her frustration. The sound is what made her fall silent. A soft roar that grew in intensity. They emerged from the trees to see a small waterfall. Underneath was a pool of water.  
“It’s not too deep, and I scanned it. There is nothing worse than fish and nothing dangerous in the water. I found it a week ago.” He explained. He looked at her and saw her mouth open in shock. “It’s not a bathtub, and the water is not hot, but it’s water you can submerge in.”  
The shock changed into a full smile. It was the one that showed her teeth, and in his opinion lit up her face. “Tom…”  
He shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He went about setting his towel down in the sunlight, and heard a splash. Her dress was in a pile on her bag, and she was in the water. The black, standard-issue swimsuit was a shadow in the water, but her long hair streamed behind her like a flag. He chuckled to himself. She might love space, but it seems she was made for the water.  
He realized that he was staring, so he busied himself. He stripped down to shorts and sat down with his novel. He wondered if the creature would show up. It had almost every day. He thought of it as a dog, though it wasn’t.  
“Aren’t you coming in?” She called. He looked up to see her treading water in the middle of the pool.  
“I’m good.” He called back. He was content just to feel the sun on his back. She shrugged and started swimming laps around the perimeter. He had brought her here to relax, and it seemed to be working.  
He was several chapters in when she emerged. She spread her towel next to his, leaving an appropriate amount of grass between them, of course. She began to twist her hair to get the water out.  
“That was wonderful.” She exclaimed.  
“I thought you would like it.”  
“So this is what you do every day? Not go swimming?”  
“No, I explore. I have no holodeck, so I have to make my own entertainment. I have discovered this, a river, some caves.”  
“We have maps.”  
“I know, but this is fun. I take my book, and read when I find someplace nice. I also discovered that there are primates here. And a dog.”  
“A what?” She asked, her head shooting up.  
“It’s not really a dog, of course. It kind of looks like one, and has been following me. We share lunch.”  
“You’ve domesticated it?” She looked slightly amused.  
“Not really. She likes me though.”  
“She?”  
“I scanned her. I’m pretty sure it’s a she.”  
“Does she have a name?”  
“I’ve been calling her Dot. She looks like a cross between a dog and a cat. Dot.” He revealed.  
She smirked and lay back on her towel, her eyes closed. Once again he tried not to stare—she looked really good in the suit—and returned to his book.  
“I had a dog. An Irish Setter named Molly. She was pregnant.” She told him, her tone wistful.  
“I was never allowed a pet growing up, and my life hasn’t exactly been stable enough for one.” He revealed quietly. His father had thought them wasteful and pointless.  
There wasn’t really anything to say to that. She was silent, and eventually he realized that she had fallen asleep. She hadn’t really been sleeping at night, and it finally caught up with her. His day was a success.  
Rustling in the bushes drew his attention, and Dot came running out to him. She stopped at the edge of the towel and looked at him expectantly. He opened his bag and pulled out his sandwich. “I got turkey today. I know you like that.” He took off a slice and tossed it to her.  
“What is that?” Janeway said, her voice full of sleep. She was sitting up and staring at Dot in distaste.  
“Kathryn, meet Dot. Dot, this is Kathryn.” He introduced. The creature wagged its tail.  
“You said it was a dog. That is not a dog.”  
“I said it looked like a dog.” Dot moved into his arms and licked his chin.  
She narrowed her eyes and stood up. “I need to get back to work.”  
He scratched Dot behind the ears and stood also. Without speaking, they pulled on their clothing and packed their bags. They began the trek back to the shelter. He felt a little irritated. He was making the best of a shitty situation. She didn’t need to insult his attempts. He was quite fond of the creature, and it was sweet. Many days it slept by his side.  
He glanced behind him and saw Dot dart into the bushes. He grinned. It had never followed him before. Or maybe it had, and he just didn’t know.  
When they arrived at the shelter she saw Dot standing a few feet away. It wagged its tail at her.  
“Oh, no. That is not coming inside.” She crossed her arms.  
“She really is sweet.” He said. “And quite tame.”  
“I don’t care. Why are you doing this? I don’t plan on being here long enough for pets.”  
He stared at her, and saw the truth in her eyes. She knew that they were probably going to be here the rest of their lives. But that was buried deep. On the surface she was begging him to believe her.  
“Kathryn, this is the fourth time I’ve had to drastically adjust my life. I’m not like you. I’ve gotten quite good at making the best of a situation.”  
She nodded silently and stepped into the shelter. “It’s still not allowed inside.”  
He shook his head and looked at Dot. It wagged its tail once. He went around the side of the shelter where they had kept the large, empty storage containers. Taking one, he returned to the front. He gathered a pile of soft leaves and wrapped a blanket around them. He turned the container on its side and placed the bedding on the bottom. Kneeling, he patted it and called Dot over. She hurried to him and sniffed her new home. She curled up on the bedding and went to sleep.  
He looked over at the doorway and saw Kathryn watching him. She frowned and went back inside.


	3. Month Two

The next day it rained pretty hard, and both of them stayed in the shelter. She refused to think of it as a house, though it had all of the comforts of one. Tom, for the most part, stayed in his room. He would occasionally emerge for food or to check on the creature. He was obviously avoiding her, and she felt bad. She knew that she was acting like a bitch, something that he did not deserve. In truth she was extremely frustrated. Her research was not going as planned. She had thought that she would be able to build on what The Doctor had done. She had thought that it would take a month at most.  
She had been dreaming, and reality was setting in.  
If there was one thing that Kathryn Janeway hated, it was being forced to admit the reality of a situation that was beyond her control. She always pushed, fought, and through sheer stubbornness achieved the impossible. She had a pretty good track record. Most Starfleet Captains did.  
Until now. Now a damn disease was what stopped her.  
The rain slowed to a stop, and she opened the door to look out. It was dark, but she could see the creature in its shelter. It wined at her and wagged its tail. She shook her head and closed the door.  
“Tom?” She called. He poked his head out of his door and looked at her warily.  
“Yeah?”  
“The creat…I mean, Dot, can come in on two conditions. One: keep it off of furniture and out of my room. Two: tomorrow it gets a bath. It’s filthy.”  
Tom broke into a grin and rushed past her outside. He returned a moment later with the squirming, happy creature. They went into his room.  
It was a small thing, but she felt a little better.

The next day she stepped outside to check her traps and came upon a sight. The lid to the converted storage container had filled part way with rain water. Tom decided to use it as a tub for his new pet. He had stripped down to a pair of shorts, even foregoing shoes, and was wrestling the small creature into the tub. Dot was not having it and squirmed loose. It hit the ground with a thud that made her wince and ran towards her. It cowered behind her legs.  
“Having fun?” She asked, suppressing the laughter that was bubbling up.  
“Loads.” He replied, walking towards her. “Dot, come!”  
Dot pushed against the back of her legs and did not obey. She took a step to the side and Tom grabbed Dot.  
“Don’t you know she’s the one insisting on this?” He told her, lugging her over to the tub and dropping her in the water. He kneeled down and grabbed a container of soap.  
Dot let out a howl that sounded like she was being tortured. Tom ignored her and rubbed soap into her fur. Janeway winced at the noise, but couldn’t help but admire the muscles of his back and the way that they moved as he worked.  
“There.” Tom exclaimed, pouring a bucket of clean water over the soapy animal. “All clean. Does she meet your approval?” He asked, looking over at her. She felt her face reddened at being caught staring. She hoped that he thought that she had just been watching him clean Dot. The look in his eyes showed that he knew the truth.  
She walked up to the tub and looked down at the animal. She was shivering and looked at them in betrayal. Her fur, however, was a lighter shade of brown. “Looks good. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go check my traps.”  
As she walked, she berated herself. She should not have stared like that. He was not here for staring. It was uncomfortable enough that they had to live in such close quarters. She could not make it worse by doing things like that.  
He didn’t seem to mind, which was a problem.  
That day she found two insects in her traps, and redoubled her efforts to find a cure.

Tom was getting restless. She didn’t blame him. She had finally admitted that he was unable to help her. Rain had set in so he didn’t go exploring as often.  
“Why don’t you try a hobby? Woodcarving, or something?” She asked.  
“Woodcarving? I like things with engines. Things that go fast.” He sighed and sat down in a chair. “None of that is here.”  
“So make something. Hollow out a tree and make a car. It might not have an engine but…” She shrugged. She didn’t even know if that was possible, but it would keep him busy.  
He stared off into space for a while, hopefully pondering her suggestions. Abruptly he got up and called to Dot. The two disappeared out the door.

After that she rarely saw him. He was doing something in the woods, and refused to tell her what it was. Honestly, he seemed to enjoy keeping things from her. The relaxed rules were something he caught on to too quickly.  
One day she decided to take a walk and stretch her legs. She felt that she might be onto something, and needed to sort it out in her mind. She decided to hike to the waterfall. Tom was off working on his project.  
It was a sunny day, a nice break from the rain. The air smelled clean, and lightly scented with flowers.  
Suddenly, the sky began to darken, and the air cracked with energy. Thunder boomed, and she froze. Taking out her tricorder, she scanned. Damn. It was a plasma storm. She needed to find shelter immediately.  
Turning around, she headed back the way she came. At least, it seemed like it was the way she came. She tripped on a log that she didn’t remember, and cursed as her elbow bruised. The sky got darker and darker, occasionally lit up with a crackle. She turned on her flashlight, but it didn’t help much. The wind blew all around her, whipping her hair, clothing, and surroundings. She was getting worried when a hand grabbed her arm.  
“Tom!” She yelled, surprised.  
“This way.” He answered over the wind. He led her deeper into the woods to a small grouping of moss covered rocks. In the middle was an opening. He pushed her through, and followed. Dot was inside, and she held the creature.  
It was a small cave, barely big enough to all of them. He had to hold her in his arms, something that she wasn’t too sure about.  
“I’m glad I was heading back for the day.” He told her.  
“Yeah. I was heading in the right direction, right?”  
“You were fine. I just thought this was closer and sturdier than the shelter.” He replied.  
“Your exploring pays off.”  
“I can be useful at times.”  
“At times.”  
A large tree branch hit the entrance of the cave and they both winced. His arms tightened around her. She buried her face in Dot’s fur and hoped that they would make it through alright.  
It felt like an eternity, but the storm ended and they went back to the shelter. Along the way she found her traps scattered and destroyed along the forest floor. It looked like a disaster zone. The empty containers were scattered all over, along with tree branches. One very large branch rested on the top of the shelter, but it didn’t look like it had punctured through.  
Inside was even worse. All of her equipment lay shattered on the floor along with other various items. She knelt down and picked up a piece of broken plastic.  
“Is anything salvageable?” Tom asked quietly from the doorway.  
“No.” She replied, fighting her emotions. “The information on the PADDs that were not smashed maybe, but it useless without the equipment. It’s destroyed, all destroyed.” She threw down the plastic and pushed past him outside. She walked until she could no longer see the shelter. Her breath came in heavy gasps, and tears threatened. It was over, it was all over. There would be no cure, no going back. She was stuck on this godforsaken planet for the rest of her life. The tears spilled over. She had failed. Once again, when it came to something important, she had failed. She broke out on sobs, no longer able to fight it. She sobbed until there was nothing left but an empty blackness.  
She returned to the shelter. Tom had cleaned up inside. Her broken equipment was nowhere to be seen. He placed a bowl of soup in front of her and a blanket over she shoulders.  
She didn’t speak or try the soup. She just stared at the table.  
“I had a fiancé.” She finally said in a dull voice.  
“I know. Mark, right?” Tom replied.  
“No. This was before. He died in the same accident as my father. I was there. I wasn’t able to save him. Save either of them. Then I got my ship stranded in the Delta Quadrant, and I will be unable to get them home. Now I was unable to find a cure. Everything important in my life I fail at.”  
He let out a bark of laughter. She looked at him in surprise. “You, failed? Really? The one who worked with my father, the man who only takes the best? Try this: I failed as a son, failed as a Starfleet officer, and failed as a Maquis.”  
“But you turned your life around. You became an asset to the ship.”  
Tom shrugged. “Still a failure. And none of this was your fault. You didn’t create the plasma storm.”  
“We’re trapped here forever now, you realize that, right?”  
He looked her in the eyes. “I’ve known that from the beginning. I didn’t doubt your abilities, just the fact that the luck in this quadrant is seriously lacking.” She raised her eyebrow at him. “I’m serious. I think everything is trying to kill us.”  
“You even had a betting pool going about it.”  
“You know about that?”  
“I know about all of them” He looked shocked. “It was my ship. I knew everything that went on. Where do we go from here?”  
“You eat your soup and then we try to make a life.”

Things after that relaxed between the two of them. With the pressure to create a cure gone, Janeway felt a lot less irritable. This made things a lot easier for Tom. He returned to the happy, joking man that he had been on the ship. She found his sense of humor to be a delight. It relaxed her and helped to chase away the darkness that had taken over.  
Disturbingly, however, something else seemed to have been released. There was now a different type of tension between them. She saw it in the way he watched her when he thought that she wasn’t looking. She felt it in the way she would watch him. He was now finding little ways to come in contact with her, be it a hand on her shoulder while talking, or a hand on her back while walking.  
What disturbed her was that she didn’t put a stop to it.  
“So, do you want to see what I’ve been working on?” Tom asked, one morning. She had been sorting through the garden supplies that they had been given.  
“Really? I thought that you were going to keep me in the dark forever.” Tomatoes would be a good start to the garden. Oh, and they were Talaxian tomatoes. One of the few good foods from there.  
“As much fun as it has been, I’m finished. I want you to see it.” He told her. She turned at the tone of his voice. He was the most excited that she had seen him in a long time.  
“Alright.” Honestly, she was glad to get away from starting a garden. She hated gardening.

He led her through the forest and then up a steep hill. She noticed that a pathway of sorts had been cleared; the grass trimmed very low. At the top of the hill waited Dot and…  
“What is it?” She asked, staring at the wooden device.  
“A car.” He said proudly.  
She almost started laughing. He had taken her suggestion seriously. He had hollowed out a tree trunk and attached wheels.  
“I had to replicate some of the items, like the wheels, but most of it is my work.” He explained.  
It was crude, but it was actually quite ingenious. “But no engine.”  
“No, no engine.” The wistfulness in his tone was apparent. “But it will go fast.”  
“Have you tried it?”  
“No, not yet. I wanted you to be here. It was your idea.”  
Aw. “Well get to it!” She told him, moving aside. He climbed in, and put on a helmet since there were no safeties like on a holodeck. She picked up Dot to prevent the animal from following. He grabbed a branch that had been lying next to it, and pushed off down the hill.  
The speed that that car gained was extraordinary. Carried on the wind, she could hear his shouts of joy. He steered around a rock, and kept going. He used the last of the momentum to drive in circles at the bottom of the hill. She hurried down to meet him. He had a huge grin on his face.  
“Fun?” She asked, knowing the answer.  
“Not as fun as a Starship, but yeah. Wanna try?” He held out the helmet to her.  
“No, thank you. You enjoy your new toy.”  
“Toy? This is not a toy.” He exclaimed with mock indignation. “This is a fine form of transportation.”  
She set Dot down with a chuckle. “I’m sure it is. Now you have to get it up the hill.”  
“That’s part of the fun. There are many hills here, and I have plans for all of them. And I can add and change obstacles. I might even improve in its design.” He ran his hand lovingly over it. “You sure you don’t want to try it? I’ll go with you; it can seat both of us.”  
His enthusiasm was infectious, and she found herself agreeing. They pushed the vehicle up the hill again, and he handed her another helmet that had been lying nearby. He told Dot to stay, and had her climb in. He got in behind her and pushed off with the branch. His arms wrapped around her waist and they were off.  
The speed was exhilarating. She found herself laughing. She steered around the rock, though with not as much skill as he did. She tried to go in circles like he did, but it was nothing like piloting a starship or a shuttle. She achieved a large arc. When they came to a stop, Tom climbed out and helped her to stand.  
“You’re right, that was fun.” She told him. His hands were still on her arms.  
“I’m usually right about things like this.” He replied smugly.  
She laughed and then realized how they were standing. Now that there was no longer a need, it should seem awkward, but it wasn’t. She liked the feel of his hands on her. She looked up into his face. His eyes darted from her eyes to her cheek, and finally down to her mouth. She knew what he wanted to do, but he didn’t dare initiate. She licked her lips and surprising the both of them, leaned up and kissed him.  
His lips were warm and firm, and there was no more hesitation. His hands moved, cupping her face and tangling in her hair. She gripped his shoulders, pulling him against her. This felt right, it felt natural. They broke apart for a moment, both breathing heavy, their faces inches apart. Then they kissed again. The kiss grew in intensity, and when his mouth opened, hers opened in response. She felt his tongue and made an incoherent, involuntary sound. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close.  
Dot’s bark interrupted them, and this time they separated completely. Tom cleared his throat and bent down to pick her up.  
“Hey, girl. Did you think we had forgotten about you?” He spoke to the happily wriggling animal.  
“I’m going back…” She pointed in the direction of the shelter. He nodded and didn’t look at her.

She spent the rest of the day digging up the ground that was to be the garden. It was hard physical labor, and it kept her mind off of what had happened. To think about it would mean that she would have to face it. She wasn’t ready for that.  
Tom didn’t return until after dark. She was sitting in the living space working on the layout of the garden. He walked in, Dot trailing at his heels.  
“Have you eaten?”  
She set down the PADD. “Why are you always so concerned with my dietary habits?” She asked with no real heat in her voice.  
“Because you are notorious for hardly eating. Also, I was going to make something, and if you have not I can just as easily make enough for two.”  
She shook her head. “No, I have not eaten.”  
He grabbed some supplies from the food storage and disappeared outside. She knew better than to try and help. One time she attempted to cook over the fire. It had not been pretty. After that Tom volunteered to take over preparing non-replicated meals. She didn’t know how to tell him that she had ruined replicated food too.  
He returned a little while later, carrying a bowl full of steaming vegetables and some kind of grain.  
“I thought about adding the large stockpile of leola root…” He said casually.  
She looked up in horror. “You didn’t!”  
“Nah. It is all still in the bin. I don’t know if it was Neelix who left it, or someone was just trying to get rid of it.” Tom admitted, spooning the food onto a plate.  
“Neither would surprise me.” She replied, glad for the light, easy conversation.  
She showed him her ideas for the garden layout, and he added a few suggestions of his own. There was no spot for leola root, though Neelix had supplied baby plants.  
Eventually, Tom retired for the night, and Janeway went to her own room. She got into bed, but sleep eluded her. Now her mind was forcing her to face the fact that they had kissed. And she had liked it…a lot. She wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to do a lot more.  
She wasn’t sure of the exact moment that she had begun thinking of him in a romantic way. Part of it, she knew, was the fact that he was the only other person on the planet with her. And he was male, in good physical shape, and had made it plain that he was attracted to her. But it was Tom Paris! He was ten years younger, and a known womanizer.  
Another part of her mind, the rational part, informed her that he no longer had any other women to pursue. Nor did he seem to have minded kissing a woman ten years older than him. But did he want a relationship?  
She climbed out of bed and threw on her robe. Exiting her room, she went to Tom’s door and raised her hand to knock. She lowered it again. This was stupid. He was probably asleep and—  
—stepping out of the bathroom.  
“Did you want to talk to me?”  
“Yes. Yes, I did.”  
He moved past her and opened the door. “Come on in.”  
She took a cursory look around finding his room messy. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Dot was curled up on a pile.  
She squared her shoulders, but didn’t know how to begin. She had never been good at this kind of thing. She also had little experience. She had had no casual beyond kissing relationships, and only two serious ones. She definitely wasn't a virgin, but she wasn't one to just sleep around either.  
“Tom, I—“ She broke off. “I…”  
He crossed his arms and gave her a smirk.  
“You’ve never done this before, have you?”  
She wanted to ask what, and then she realized exactly why she was here. She wanted him. Heat flooded to her cheeks. “No.” She said honestly. She shook her head. This was a bad idea. She started to push past him but he caught her in his arms.  
“Kathryn, it’s ok.”  
“I’m not looking for a one night stand.” She blurted.  
“I don’t want one.”  
“I want a relationship.”  
“So do I. I want to build a life with you.”  
“Good.” She said and kissed him. This kiss was different than the one earlier. Hotter. Deeper. His lips trailed down to her chin, and then her neck. She moved her hands to his waistband, and tugged his shirt up. They parted long enough to pull it off, and toss it to the floor. Dot let out an indignant bark when it landed on her head.  
Tom swore and picked the animal up. “Sorry, girl, you have to sleep out there tonight.” He placed her outside the room and shut the door. She gave another indignant bark. Janeway burst out laughing at the absurdity. He laughed also as he returned to her. They kissed again, slower this time. He was a very good kisser. Skilled enough that her body felt hot and tingly, her knees weak.  
She felt him untying her robe, and she shrugged out of it. His hands moved over her nightgown, sliding easily over the satin. One hand cupped her breast, making her gasp. He lightly nipped and kissed her shoulder before slipping the straps down her arms. He took a step back, watching the material slide over her curves and pool around her feet. She fought the urge to cover herself with her arms as his gaze roamed over her.  
“You are so beautiful.” He breathed, and she could hear the honestly in his voice.  
She grabbed his hands and backed up until her legs hit the side of the bed. Lowering herself onto it, she pulled him with her. Then it felt like his hands and mouth were everywhere except where she most wanted it. She gasped his name.  
He made a please sound. His hand caressed her thighs before slipping in between. Her brain grew hazy as the sensations overwhelmed thought. She tried to hold onto it, never being one to like to lose rationality. She bit her lip to keep from crying out as pleasure filled her.  
He moved over her, slipped one finger in the waistband of her underwear, and braced himself with the other hand.  
“Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this?” He asked her, looking into her eyes.  
“Yes.” Of course she did. She would not be there if she didn’t.  
“Good. Then stop thinking so much.”  
“I—“ She tried to deny, but it was no use.  
“Let go.” He told her.  
“I’m not the type to let go.” She replied.  
He gave her a confident grin. “Ok. I love a challenge.”  
Oh, he definitely succeeded. In the end she did let go, and all rational thought deserted her.


	4. Return

When Tom awoke, the first thing he felt was a surge of claustrophobia. There was a weight on him, something that he was not used to. As he became more aware, he felt a hot breath on his chest. Then memories returned. It was Kathryn. She was pressed up against his side, with one leg thrown over his and her head on his chest. He smiled. He had always suspected that she would like to snuggle. He had observed her always touching members of the crew. A pat on the shoulder or back here, a hand on a chest there. He wasn’t even sure if she was aware she did it. But of course, nobody ever touched her. It must have been a lonely two years.  
He watched as she began to awaken. First she gave a little sigh, and then stretched her toes. Next her body stiffened as she realized that she was not where she normally awoke, and that she was naked with another person. Feeling that that was his cue, he spoke.  
“Morning.”  
Her eyes shot open in alarm. Then she relaxed a little, and gave him a sleepy smile. “Good morning.”  
He ran his hand up and down her side. He could tell that she was nervous, and didn’t want any regrets to form. He certainly had none.  
“You take up more room than Dot.”  
She sat up and stared at him. “You’re comparing me to a dog? And didn’t I tell you to keep her off the furniture?”  
He shrugged, biting back a laugh. “I couldn’t help it if she climbed up while I was sleeping.”  
“Tom!”  
Now he did laugh. “You called her a dog.”  
“I did not.”  
“You did.” He laughed and pulled her into a kiss. She relaxed in his arms, and surprised him by straddling him. She leaned down and kissed his neck.  
“What’re you doing?”  
She paused and looked at him. “You can’t tell?”  
“Oh, I can tell. I’m just surprised.” He gasped.  
She gave him a look that he found evil and incredibly sexy. “Well I have to prove I’m a much better bedmate.”  
He didn’t tell her that he had already figured that out. And she definitely proved it.

After breakfast she decided that there could be no more procrastination. That garden had to go in today. So he lugged baby plants back and forth, while she planted them. He could tell that she hated the work, but knew it needed to be done. Dot, after stating her protests over last night’s sleeping arrangements, decided to help by digging holes. They were not where they were supposed to be, but he admired her work ethic. They finished half the garden when she decided that they could take a break. He headed inside to wash up and grab his radio. Music might help the mood.  
“I think we should switch the spinach and the beans.” She told him, staring down at her plans.  
“Voyager to Janeway.” Chakotay’s voice sounded over the comm line.  
Janeway stared at him in complete shock. “Janeway here.” She answered.  
“We have the serum to cure your disease. We will be there in thirty hours.”  
“That’s great news. We look forward to it. Janeway out.”  
They stood in silence for a long time. She stared down at the table, and he could see her mind wrapping around this change. They were going to be cured. They were going to return to the ship. She would be the Captain again, and he would be the Chief Conn Officer. Things would go back to normal.  
He didn’t want things to go back to normal.  
“Don’t.” He said when he found his voice.  
She looked up, startled. He could already see her Captain’s mask sliding into place. “What?”  
“Don’t pull away. Nothing has to change.”  
“Tom…”  
He walked up to her and set his radio down. “What I said last night is still true. I want to build a life with you. We can make it work.”  
She placed one hand on her hip and the other rubbed her forehead. “I’m not going to be the only woman anymore. You have more choices. Prettier. Your own age.”  
“I don’t want them. I want you.”  
“You had me.”  
“And I still want you. Again. More.”  
She stared at him, and he could see her resolve weakening. “This won’t be easy. I’m the Captain. People…there are many who probably won’t like it or approve.”  
“I’m used to people not approving of my life choices.”  
She nodded. “Alright. But understand, when we are on duty, I’m the Captain, not your girlfriend.”  
“I understand.” And he did. He could compartmentalize.

They spent the rest of the day and deep into the night packing everything up. Dot watched from a corner, knowing that something big was happening, and not liking it. They chose to use the fire pit to cook their dinner, enjoying the night by fire glow.  
“What about Dot?” He finally asked.  
“What about her?” She asked. The creature in question was curled on his lap, asleep.  
“She’s domesticated now…” He said reluctantly.  
“No.”  
“I know for a fact that there is no rule against pets on a starship. Other ships have had them.”  
“Voyager is not just any ship. She’ll take up resources that—”  
“I know. She’s a waste and pointless.” He said dully. He had heard it before.  
She stared into the fire. “She would be completely your care. And I mean that. You must train her to use a box. All of her food and litter must come from your replicator rations. Nothing from airponics or Neelix’s food.”  
“Like I would subject her to that! I want to keep her, not kill her.”  
“Fine. I will institute a pet policy.” She said reluctantly. “Actually, it might be good for morale.”  
He thought so. He had grown to love the little animal, and couldn’t imagine being without her.

At mid-afternoon Voyager entered orbit. They stood outside in uniform. The hair that he adored was pinned up in her usual bun, and she firmly wore her Captain’s mask. Dot was clutched in his arms, for once not squirming. She could probably sense that this was an important moment. He silently said goodbye to the place he had thought of as home, and watched as it slowly faded in the transporter beam.

He appeared in Sickbay, with The Doctor waiting impatiently. He motioned for them to sit on biobeds.  
“Where did you get that serum?” Janeway demanded. Yes, she was fully in Captain Mindset.  
“The Vidiians.” The Doctor said, actually sounding a little defiant. Tom didn’t know that was in his programing.  
“I thought I ordered—“  
“You can discuss that with Commander Chakotay. Now, I had better inject this before you start coughing up blood again.” He pressed the hypospray against her neck and activated it. She glared at him but said nothing.  
“I will have to give you another dose in twelve hours, but you are free to go. I determined that the virus is not contagious.” The doctor said cheerfully and turned to Tom. “Mr. Paris what is that thing?”  
“It’s my dog.” He said, clutching Dot.  
“First, that is not in the Canine family. Second, what is it doing in my sickbay?”  
“You beamed me here before I could put her in my quarters.” He countered defensively.  
“I want you to scan her to determine she is not carrying any viruses.” Janeway ordered. “I’m instituting a pet policy, so expect more.”  
“I’m a Doctor, not a veterinarian.” The doctor claimed, and gave Tom the serum. He breathed a sigh of relief, and watched as the tricorder scan Dot.  
“I’m not detecting any infectious agents in this creature. She seems perfectly healthy. However, she is not a member of the canine family. Well, you are both free to go. Light duty for the next three days, though I doubt you’ll listen to me.”  
Tom saw Janeway glance at Dot and then give him an I-told-you-so look as they exited sickbay.

Ah…it was good to be back piloting the ship. He took his seat with an almost uncontainable glee. His hands moved over the controls like a caress, and when Janeway order them to depart orbit at Warp 8, his “Yes Captain” was enthusiastic.  
While he had greatly enjoyed aspects of his time spent on the planet, this was where he belonged. 

“Glad to be back?” Harry asked, sitting down across from Tom at a table in Sandrine’s. Another thing he had missed was holodeck programs. Sandrine’s was the first program he had activated. He was sitting with a bottle of holographic beer and soaking up the atmosphere.  
“Definitely.” Tom agreed, watching a game of pool the holographic greats were playing.  
“What was it like, being stranded like that?”  
“It was…it was not as bad as you would think.” Tom said carefully. Hopefully that would be enough to satisfy his curiosity.  
The holocharacter Ricky came over and draped herself over his shoulders.  
“Tom, where have you been? I’ve missed you.” She purred into his ear.  
“Computer, delete Ricky character.” Tom ordered, irritated. He used to love her, and put her in all his programs. But that was the old Tom, the one who liked a lot of women. The new Tom only wanted one woman draping herself across him. Ricky faded from the room. Harry stared at Tom in surprise.  
“Ok, what happened on that planet?”  
“Why do you think something happened?” Tom asked casually.  
“It’s obvious. Come on, Tom, it’s me. Your best friend?” Harry was his best friend. He trusted him completely. They had been through a lot together, and Harry was the only one at the beginning of all of this mess who hadn’t cared about his past. He owed him the truth.  
Tom finished his beer and set it on the table. “How about some pool?”  
Confused, Harry followed him to the table. Tom played a few moves before he spoke.  
“Something did happen on the planet, but you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”  
“Well, it couldn’t have been that big. I mean, it was only the two of you and basic technology. What, did you sleep with her or something?” Harry laughed, lining up his cue. Tom simply raised his eyebrows and stared at his best friend. He might have been joking, but it was a good guess.  
At Tom’s silence Harry straightened. “You…you did?” He set down his cue and looked around the holodeck in panic. They were the only ones there. “You slept with the Captain?”  
“Slept with, and more…” He said with false cheerfulness. He had expected shock, but not this much. He should have known though. Harry had come a long way, but he was still very innocent.  
“More—Tom! She’s the Captain!” Harry walked up to him until he stood several inches away.  
“But she’s a beautiful woman.” Sandrine said, walking up to the two men. “I bet she has a lot of fire, no? Tom likes women with fire.”  
“Computer, delete all holographic characters.” Tom ordered, but he couldn’t help but grin at what she had said. Yes, Kathryn had a lot of fire. “She wasn’t the Captain then. We were just us.”  
Harry shook his head slowly. “I can’t believe this. My best friend and my—are you still together?”  
“I hope so.” Tom replied with much feeling.  
Harry’s eyes widened. “Oh my…you’re in love.”  
“No I’m not.” In love? Impossible. He didn’t fall in love. He pursued women. He loved the chase. Once caught, there was mutual enjoyment before he moved on. There was that time at the Academy, but that was lust, not love. And yes, there was lust in how he felt about Kathryn. But…honestly, he could not imagine life without her. He knew her now. He knew her likes, dislikes, habits, quirks. He knew the feel of her skin, the scent of her hair, her taste. He knew her better than any other person in the galaxy.  
That wasn’t love, was it?  
“You are! I can tell! Oh, Tom…”  
Tom sighed and leaned against the pool table. “I don’t think it is love. But I know it is something important.”  
Harry leaned next to him. “Wow. I never thought I’d hear you say something like that.”  
“Me either.”  
Over the next week he didn’t see Janeway except during his duty shifts. He knew she was extremely busy catching up, but he couldn’t help but feel like she was avoiding him. The only sign he had was during the one time he was in her ready room. He was handing her the new course map and saw that she no longer had the image of Mark on her desk. He had looked at her, but she was busy studying the data. Since they had agreed that there was no relationship while on duty, he didn’t mention it. Besides, it could just have been that she was feeling guilty about what they had done.  
Dot was adjusting well to life on a starship. He had replicated a litterbox for her, and had collected a bin of soil from the planet. Quickly, she learned that that was where she was to go to the bathroom. Plus, he felt that she might like that little bit of her old home. Despite Kathryn’s wishes, Dot ended up curled on his bed every night, a comforting warm presence behind his knees.  
After a week, he couldn’t take waiting anymore. He had to know one way or the other. The Delany twins were pestering him and Harry for a date, and he was running out of reasons to say no.  
Using all of his stealth skills, he snuck up to Deck 3 and hurried to her quarters. He had already questioned the Computer and knew that she was there alone.  
She called for entry, and he entered her room. She was at her desk going over reports.  
“Tom.” She greeted brightly. “This is a surprise. What can I do for you?”  
He stared at her in dismay. Was this her way of telling him she was done? “I missed you.” He said honestly.  
“We were together constantly for two months. I would have thought you were tired of me.”  
“That could never happen.”  
She sighed and set the report down, turning towards him. “Today Chakotay wanted to spend some time on the holodeck together. He’s still a little upset that I gave him a dressing down for disobeying my orders. But anyway, he wanted to go on a moonlight sail.”  
Tom’s heart constricted in his chest. He had known about Chakotay’s feelings for Janeway for a long time. It was a favorite topic in his betting pool. He had seen their flirting for himself. Maybe her telling him he now had options was her way of saying she wanted them for herself. “Did you go?” He asked, barely able to make his mouth say the words.  
“No. I turned him down.” She answered. “I find that my desire to spend time with him has lessened considerably. I couldn’t help but wonder if you would like to take a sail sometime.”  
The clamp around his heart loosened. “So, you do still want to be with me?”  
“Yes.” She smiled. “Stay with me tonight?”  
Early that next morning, two hours before they were due on the bridge, Tom quietly snuck out of her quarters. She was still asleep, but he thought it best to leave before the corridors were full of people. He had just turned the corner when he ran into someone. Chakotay.  
“Paris? What are you doing on this deck?” Chakotay demanded.  
“Uh, is this deck 3? I meant to say deck 4. My mistake.” He laughed.  
Chakotay studied him with a puzzled expression, and looked behind him. The only quarters in that direction were Kathryn’s. Damn. Chakotay looked back at Tom with narrowed eyes.  
“I see. Perhaps you should return to your own quarters and get some sleep. We need you sharp for Alpha shift.”  
“Yes, sir.” Tom nodded and hurried to the turbolift.


	5. Consequences

“Paris to Janeway.”  
The comm pulled Janeway out of blissful slumber into instant awareness.  
“Janeway here.”  
“Uh, I ran into someone this morning.”  
He had left her quarters early, mindful of the discretion needed. She hated to make him feel like their relationship was something wrong, but she didn’t want her private life to be public business.  
“I see. Who?”  
“Chakotay. Near your quarters. I think he might suspect something.”  
She sighed and rubbed her forehead. Of all the people to find out first. “Are you sure?”  
“Yes.”  
“Understood. Janeway out.” She cut the comm line and fell back into the mattress. She stared up at the ceiling. Chakotay. It had to be him. She doubted that he had immediately known, but he might be adding things up in his mind.   
She should have clarified things with him long ago. She had thought that the knowledge of Mark would deter him, but it hadn’t. He let his interest be known to her a few months after they had combined crews. Oh, he hadn’t come right out and said anything, but the signs were all there. And she had flirted with him. Sometimes outrageously, but most of the time simply, innocently. She hadn’t meant to lead him on, it was just fun.  
For her, anyway. 

Chakotay didn’t confront her before the shift began. She had almost expected him to. She also didn’t see him before. Normally, he would appear and try to convince her to have some breakfast. But he was seated in his chair when she arrived on the bridge. He greeted her, but his eyes were different. Instead of their usual amused twinkle, or appreciative look, they were shaded. Throughout the shift he kept to himself. He barely looked at her. The tension was evident, so there was little of the normal banter. Tom, to his credit, didn’t try to provoke the Commander, or even joke. He kept his eyes on his station and was the impeccable officer.  
“Would you join me for lunch?” She asked Chakotay quietly. “My ready room?”  
He narrowed his eyes at her but nodded. “Alright.”  
After handing the bridge off, they entered the ready room. Chakotay asked for a mushroom salad. She replicated that and a sandwich for herself. She handed him the salad and sat next to him on the sofa.  
They were silent until he spoke.  
“Are you sleeping with Tom Paris?”  
Well, there it was. She didn’t know whether to be offended or admire his directness. He so rarely showed it unless it was ship’s business.  
She swallowed and took a sip of coffee. “Yes.”  
He set down the bowl and she heard him taking deep breaths. “Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Why him?” He asked and looked at her. She could see the hurt in his eyes. “He’s…he’s a criminal. He’s rude, careless, and selfish. He’s…”  
“He’s a good man. He puts on a front, but I know what’s buried.” She said firmly.  
“He laughs in the face of everything you stand for.”  
Ok, now she was getting angry. “He has changed drastically since he came aboard. And might I remind you he has saved your life, and this ship, many times.”  
“That doesn’t give him the right to—“ He broke off, perhaps sensing he was about to go too far. She was giving him the truth because she valued him as a friend. She would only extend that curtesy so far.  
“I gave him the right to be with me. I choose him, Chakotay.”  
He clenched his fists and stood. “I thank you for the meal, Captain. If you’ll excuse me, I have things to do before Gamma shift.”  
She nodded, allowing him to go. As she watched his back she knew she had just lost a valuable friend.

Things changed as she walked through the corridors after Beta shift. Oh, people were polite, but she could sense something behind that politeness. And there were whispers. People would intentionally stop talking when she entered an area.  
It seems that Chakotay did not value their friendship enough to keep his mouth shut. Truly, it hurt.  
She squared her shoulders and kept her head high. She could handle this. It was just talk. She knew the most precious commodity on a starship was gossip. She refused to let it stop her living her life. So she still worked, still ate her meals in the mess hall, and still visited the holodeck.  
After a few days she found that it was more than just talk. Several members of the crew, former Maquis, grew colder towards her. They were still professional, but it was a thin line. Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres was downright hostile again.  
The worst however, happened on the holodeck.  
Tom had invited her to the resort program. She readily agreed, needing the little time off to relax. There we a few other people already enjoying the resort. They had nodded politely, but not bothered them. After enjoying some windsurfing, they had retired to the chaises. Her back was to the bar and the entrance. After some simple talk, Tom went to get them some drinks.  
“Well if it isn’t Tom Paris.” She heard. It was the voice of Lieutenant Adams, a former Maquis.  
“Adams.” Tom greeted his voice a little wary.  
“So tell me, what’s it like being the Captain’s pet?”  
Janeway tensed.  
“Yeah, yeah.” Tom dismissed.  
“So tell me…“ Adams began, his tone good natured. “Do you get special favors for providing…favors? “ What Adams said next was so foul she almost jumped up.  
There was a long silence. She silently prayed that Tom wouldn’t resort to violence.   
“I don’t know. I’ll be sure to ask her.”  
“You wouldn’t.” She heard the panic in his voice.  
“No. I won’t. But if I hear you talking about superior officers, especially the Captain, like that again, I will. Is that clear?”  
“Yes, sir.” Adams said.  
Tom returned a few moments later. Janeway narrowed her eyes at him.  
“Should I have let you handle that?” He asked quietly, handing her her drink.  
“No. You did well.” She took a sip. “I wanted to though. I wanted to bust them to the rank of crewman.”  
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”  
“I should have. But that would just cause more problems. This is not a normal ship. Sometimes, I have to pick my battles. Foul gossip is low on the list.”  
It bothered her though. Had she really lost the respect of her crew? She had worked so hard to bring the two crews together. When it finally happened, she worked hard to make Voyager seem like a home, to make everyone more than coworkers. To make them a family. Would it take something as little as a relationship to pull it all apart?  
If that was the case, should she continue?  
She felt Tom’s hand on her arm. “Don’t. Don’t even consider it. Don’t let them win.”  
“I need to put the needs of my crew ahead of my own.”  
“Not with something like this. You have a right to be happy. And I hope that you are.”  
She smiled. “I am.” It was a partial truth. She was a lot happier now, but the strife it was causing concerned her.

It was a trap. They had known that it was a trap to begin with. It still surprised them. Then she had to face what she had dreaded. When Tom asked to leave to get reinforcements, she paused for a split second. Momentarily, her feelings for him took over. But he looked her in the eyes and let her know that it was ok, that it was the right thing to do. So she let him go. And watched as the shuttle was fired upon.  
She didn’t have time to think about what had just happened. The Kazon boarded the ship and then deposited the crew on a hostile planet. She had to focus. She had to think about the safety and survival of her crew. Surprisingly, in the emergency situation even the people who were previously hostile turned to her for guidance. It seemed everyone realized that survival was more important than personal drama. Even Chakotay seemed to have put his issues aside.  
When they lost a crew member, it nearly broke her. Everything pushed to the surface and she had to pause. Everything that had happened over the last few months overwhelmed her. She had to close her eyes, breathe deeply, and calm down. She had trained for this. She knew that she could handle it.  
She refused to let a shitty planet and the Kazon beat her. She refused to let Hogan’s death be senseless.  
She refused to believe that Tom was dead.  
And she was right.  
Seeing him alive on the bridge made her want to break protocol. She wanted to run to him, touch him to make sure that he was real. She settled for a grin.  
His heroics, besides saving everyone and helping to take back the ship served another purpose. As they walked together through the corridors, people congratulated him and patted him on the back. Even Adams nodded at him.  
As she was heading to her quarters she saw Chakotay waiting outside. He looked terrible. Finding out that Seska was dead and the child was not his was a lot to take.  
“Chakotay. Are you ok?” She asked carefully.  
He nodded. “I will be.” He paused. “Are you happy? With Paris?”  
“Yes, I am.” She replied.  
He nodded and crossed his arms. “He breaks your heart and he will answer to me.” He told her and walked away. She smiled and entered her quarters, her bath calling to her.  
“We had to prove ourselves.” Tom explained to her that night. They had both cleaned up but decided to stay the night in his quarters. They were both exhausted, and were content to lie in each other’s arms.  
“What do you mean?”  
“We had to prove that this was not going to change anything, I think. I was already a strange case. I mean, you took me out of prison, and then made me the Chief Conn Officer. That looks like special treatment. When they found out we were a couple, it was kind of the last straw.”  
It made sense in a way. If she was a junior officer she would probably think the same thing.  
“Your nearly endless supply of replicator rations doesn’t help any.” She teased. He simply smiled, knowing she was not going to shut down the betting.  
“But you sending me to the Talaxians…the whole situation showed that we can separate our relationship from our duties. Nothing changes. Are you ok with us now?” He asked.  
She gently kissed him. “I am.” She answered truthfully. She pulled him close and they both started to drift off to sleep.  
There was a sudden weight as Dot jumped up. She curled up with her head resting on Janeway’s feet.  
“Tom…” She growled. He chuckled but didn’t order the creature to move. She sighed in resignation, too tired to move her herself, and fell asleep.


End file.
